kibounovaiorin | (no subject)

You're one of the many reasons why I avoided people my entire life.

You avoided people because they're worried about you? Not a good way to live, you know.

I avoided people because I know they would be like you; trying to change me.

[ ... yeah that wasn't a good thing to tell her. Her eyes flash for a brief second before she's up, slamming her free hand on the desktop and leaning over it to stare him down. ]

Is that what you think this is? That I'm trying to force you into something? I'm worried about you! Excuse fucking me for actually giving a shit about someone who might be in a similar situation to me or, I don't know, I consider a friend!

[is he shocked by the change? a little that he leans back a bit in his chair before setting his cup down on the table and stares right back at her]

Are you saying I've been reading this all wrong? Because I can tell you that it sure doesn't feel like I am.

And I may have told you things I haven't told anyone else. I appreciate the help you're giving me. You're company I don't mind having, however, don't let that get to your head. Once I find out what I am and what my connection is to that boy, Alex Lee will be dead and I'll be gone. So if friendship is what you're hoping will come out of this, I suggest you walk out of this office right now.

So that's it, you're just going to abandon everything and run away once you get the answers you so want? That's not how shit works and you know it.

[he scoffs]

Run away? I don't run. I simply don't stay in one place for long. I end the life I've been living, go somewhere else and start all over again. Unless the answers I find change that, I will continue to live like this.

... you're.

[ She clenches her jaw. Normally she'd just say "fuck it" and leave, maybe throw the rest of the whiskey in his face, but her gut feeling is saying to stay. And if there was one one thing that's never betrayed her, it's her instincts. ]

Sounds like the same thing to me. Even for being what we are, whatever we are, that's no way to live.

... Maybe I was wrong to try reaching out to you. Maybe I'm just being naive about all of this. But at least I'm still living. I made a promise that I wouldn't take this second chance for granted. Maybe you should do something similar.

This is the way I've chosen to live and I'm okay with it. I have no desire to change it even if you tell me I should. If you have an issue with that then, unfortunately, you're going to have to deal with it or find someone else to bother.

However, maybe, I'll find something, someone to keep me where I am but as of right now, that seems very unlikely.

[ She should, by all accounts, have left already. They're clearly not getting anywhere with this and were she being rational, she'd know that they needed to back down and cool off before trying to talk about anything like this again.

But maybe it's from the influence of others in her life that she's acting more impulsive - or maybe it's just part of how she really is that has her digging her heels in on this.

But one thing she couldn't explain is that last part of it. Why did that hurt as much as it did? It was more than pity or sympathy.

She swallows, taking a deep breath, only breaking eye contact for a brief moment. Her voice is much softer than normal when she speaks again: ]

Then maybe I shouldn't have even bothered trying.

[ She slumps forward, both hands resting on the desktop and clenched into white-knuckled fists. ]

I wanted to know I'm not alone, I'm not gonna lie about that. I wanted to know that I'm not the only one who has to deal with navigating all this bullshit about being something more than human. And yet ... I'm getting sick of getting fucking stonewalled at every turn. Thought you of all people would understand that.

I do understand and if you want to vent about trying to figure out what you are, I'm all ears but as I said before, don't expect friendship. I don't want it nor do I desire it. Maybe I'll go as far as labeling this little thing as acquaintances but nothing more.

I've been shown over the course of my life that I'm meant to be alone. No matter how hard I tried, I lose people or they leave me.

[taeseok is, unfortunately, kind of stubborn in regards to his whole alone thing, stemming from the few people he has let into his life.

he killed people. people left him. not to mention that those in sejun's position never really tried to do anything to change him or get him to lighten up. they did what they were meant to and when it came time to end the partnership, retired well.

it's been that way for centuries...until now]

If you want a friend, Sejun is right outside that door.

[ Madsen bites her lip, taking a deep breath. There's more to this, but she doesn't know just how far she can push it at this point, and even then, she's still trying to sort out why she's getting as worked up as she is in the first place. This isn't the first time someone's tried telling her that they didn't need someone to be there for them.

So what exactly is making this so different? ]

You don't deserve to be alone. Nobody deserves to be alone - yeah, it sounds stupid and naive.

Just. Shut up and hear me out for a second.

Loss is something we have to face no matter what, human, phoenix, whatever. That's just a fact of life, unfortunately. You and I both know that. But for the first time in ... how long, you have people that are actually making a fucking effort to try and help make your existence just a little less miserable.

Sejun - your assistant - wants to make sure you're happy, that's what both of us are trying to do. Hell, me being what I am now, maybe you didn't get it through your thick fucking skull before, but didn't it ever occur to you that I'm not going anywhere anytime soon? Even outside your "acquaintanceship".

You have people that are willing to be there for you and want to see you be happy for fucking once.

... so maybe don't take that chance for granted.

[ She straightens out again, back almost ramrod straight, feet slightly apart. ]

If you change your mind, I'll be around. But right now maybe it's best if we don't hang out for a while.

[he's taken aback by the lecture he just got.

why is she so insistent in being in his life? to be a friend? he doesn't get it nor understand.

there is one thing he can finally agree with her; staying away for a bit]

Fine.

[he stands, heading back to his desk to continue working]

Sejun! Escort Madsen out!

[upon hearing his name, one tall, big-eared man immediately enters the office and boy, times like these he regrets ever taking the job.

madsen looks upset and his boss....still looks the same but he can tell he's not entirely himself]

Uh...noona?

[ She watches him go to his desk before she slowly turns to face Sejun, her expression softening if only slightly. ]

I'm fine. I'm just ... heading out.

[he takes one last look at his boss before glancing back at madsen, offering a warm smile]

I'll walk with you.

Thanks.

[ She gives him a small smile, very pointedly not looking back at Taeseok while she walks out. ]

Sorry if you heard any of that.

Huh? No! No, no, no!

[he waves his hand rapidly while answering]

You don't have to apologize! I get that he's hard to deal with. Trust me. I know.

[ She lets out a sigh, shaking her head ]

And yet here both of us are, trying to get him to not work himself to death and actually enjoy life. Even for being what he is.

[ Though while she's divulging that she knows his secret, she has no idea if Sejun's been kept in the loop enough to know that she's in a similar boat with her situation, especially considering hers is just as weird if not weirder of a situation ]

...are you not human too, noona?

[as far as he knows, there is only one other possible non-human being and that's the person taeseok is trying to go after.

...maybe two. boy, it was a bitch to clean up burnt skin]

[ He inclines her head a little. ]

Not fully, anyway. Born human, just ... with some upgrades, if that makes any sense?

I think I get it. And you're similar to my boss, right?

A bit, yeah. Though I'll admit I have a small head start on him in knowing what I am, just ... not sure how to go about doing things because of it.

[ Madsen lowers her head, frowning and biting her lip again for a brief moment. It's then that she sets her jaw, straightening back up with a deep breath. ]

I just wanted him to know he's not alone and that he doesn't have to be paranoid all the time. I've been there before and it's ... not fun. Nobody deserves to have to end up living like that.

[ She realizes what she just said and gives a weak chuckle. ]

Sorry, I realize I'm probably preaching to the choir here.

Yeah, he can be a pain to deal with especially since he's stubborn and all. I think he's not used to it. From what I got, people did what he asked and left him alone. He'll come around eventually. Besides, you're not alone in this.

[he smiles at her encouragingly and gives her the thumbs up]

You got me to back you up!

And I thought I was stubborn. [ She shakes her head, but at his grin and thumbs-up, she laughs a little and gives one right back. ]

I'll be counting on you.